I miss smoking cigarettes. I always felt I could take on the world with a cig in my hand
I miss that I was never brave enough to die strips of my hair purple.
I miss that I never just got in the truck and drove. Drove until I reached ocean.
Why didn't I ever do that?
Why didn't I trust to faith that everything would be fine?
I miss that I didn't tell you off when you hurt me.
I miss that I didn't stand up when they tried to keep me down.
I miss that I never took a sick day for the hell of it.
That I never stayed up all night just to watch the sunrise.
I miss that I spent that day in the park worried about homework.
I miss that I didn't kiss you when I had the chance.
Did I have the chance?
I miss that I didn't make a chance.
But what I miss the most, above all else, is that I could have done all of these things.
But I was too afraid to. These are not things I miss. These are regrets I'm afraid I'll repeat.
February does nasty things to you, when all you can do is live through it.
I miss that I was never brave enough to die strips of my hair purple.
I miss that I never just got in the truck and drove. Drove until I reached ocean.
Why didn't I ever do that?
Why didn't I trust to faith that everything would be fine?
I miss that I didn't tell you off when you hurt me.
I miss that I didn't stand up when they tried to keep me down.
I miss that I never took a sick day for the hell of it.
That I never stayed up all night just to watch the sunrise.
I miss that I spent that day in the park worried about homework.
I miss that I didn't kiss you when I had the chance.
Did I have the chance?
I miss that I didn't make a chance.
But what I miss the most, above all else, is that I could have done all of these things.
But I was too afraid to. These are not things I miss. These are regrets I'm afraid I'll repeat.
February does nasty things to you, when all you can do is live through it.
"But what I miss the most, above all else, is that I could have done all of these things.
ReplyDeleteBut I was too afraid to. These are not things I miss. These are regrets I'm afraid I'll repeat."
Wondrously written, dear Diana. That is so terribly poignant and relevant to me.
I detest February.
P.S. I'm following you on tumblr now. :) And I just have to say, Before Sunrise is one of my all-time favourite films too.
Oh, February is punishing. It plays terrible tricks on the mind. Don't lose your hope. Wait until Spring breaks; you will shed your regrets like old skin. x
ReplyDeleteYour writing is as enchanting and pitch-perfect as ever, Ms Diana. Oh, this breaks my heart. I know the feeling, I do, I do. xx
ReplyDelete