I have lost count of the number of times I have written you this letter in my head - but it would have to be close to a thousand by now. I think the reason I put it off was because I am afraid of the power of words on paper - especially if they are my words.
I didn't sleep well last night and awoke with a dreadful headache. My first thought was how I wished you were lying next to me, because I know you would've found a way to make it better. I got up and tried to go about my day as best as I could. I refused myself the coffee I desperetly wanted in favor of healing the headache, ate breakfast by myself, wandered around the house aimlessly allowing my restlessness to overpower me and spent all of it someplace in my head with you.
I miss the way you would giggle at me when I got like this - how you would call it my writing 'process' and would shake your head at my foolishness. I couldn't tell you how much it annoyed me - or how much I wish you were sitting at our kitchen table doing it right now.
I was riding my bike into town the other day and I thought I saw you. It was only a flash, but for a moment I was sure it was you.
How my heart fell when I realized it was just another strange face.
Since then, I have ached for you, love, in such a heartbreakingly painful way.
You never told me waiting would be easy, love, but if I'm honest, I never imagined it to be this difficult either. People think I'm foolish to wait as I do. I hear them whisper and call me naive for believing you'll come for me someday. They say I should accept and settle - they have gotten me halfway convinced to give a couple 'settlements' a chance...
But don't worry, sweetheart, I know you are coming and I'll be here, waiting, as patiently as I can. I won't falter again, ever.
How could I, when I see you when I drink my coffee in the morning? I see you in strangers on street corners, and in the smiles of those who pity me. I see you in the early morning sun's glare and the late night moon's glow. And I never fail to see you in my dreams.
So how could I do anything, but love you with all that I am, all the rest of my days?
Come home to me, darling, as soon as you can.
I'll be seeing you, love - if only in my dreams.